A different life

Or is this what wisdom ever was, being happy with what you can have when you can have it? Rina Ferrarelli

Every day is somehow different than the previous day or the one before that – even if it is only our approach to our circumstances that dictates the change. Then inherently we are the change or bring about the change, not so? But of course there is also the ever presence of the inevitable external change. It may be that at times these two – the internal and the external – collides.

When change is brought about by grief, we feel overwhelmed, and the sudden fragility of life becomes like a cloak which we forever want to wrap tightly around us to keep the broken pieces together. We have no concept of how to handle this devastating hurt once we let go of the pieces. Once we let go, will we be able to build another picture out of the pain, what will it look like, will it be acceptable to us, will we be able to live with this “new” image, will there be gaps never to be filled, – these are all questions going around in our minds, trapping us in the desolation we are experiencing.

In this state of vulnerability we tend to place ourselves aside, outside on the periphery of life and we feel isolated with only our grief as companion. Initially this is where we seem to feel the best protected against the world and we turn inwards to seek solace. Like a hurt animal we hide from what we perceived to be a cruel and perhaps unjust world. To stay within this turmoil of emotions (uncertainty, fear, doubt, anxiety, etc.) for a prolonged time will however only re-affirm our position and reduce our ability to re-integrate with what we perceived to be a changed world.

Yes indeed the world has changed for us, and so have we, and this might very well be the point of collision. How do we go forward amidst a world we no longer understand; at times a completely alienated world where people constantly rush onwards on a never-ending journey like automats on a mission unknown. The world is a constant within its changing; it’s only now that we seem not to fit in anymore and for that reason we will have to compromise and seek the change within ourselves and decide how best we can re-integrate our lives with our external surroundings.

Our challenge therefore is not to achieve the impossible, but to learn to live with what is possible under our current circumstances

Written by Dr Magda Rall.

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