Her father’s keeper

We hear how shared experiences of cancer diagnoses has only deepened Grant Skews’ bond with his daughter, Jenna.

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Grant Skews (62) recently moved to the UK to be with his second wife, Dale. He has two daughters, Kylie and Jenna, from his first marriage. Kylie stays in the UK and Jenna in SA.

Little did Jenna know that when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, in 2012, at age 17 that it was the foundation that set her up to be her father’s keeper thirteen years later, guiding him through his bladder cancer diagnosis and treatment struggles.

Diagnosis

Last year April, Grant noticed blood in his urine so his work medical referred him to a GP who referred him to a urologist. He was booked into hospital and various tests and a biopsy were done, as well as bladder irrigation, a procedure that flushes the bladder with sterile liquid, to clear debris, mucus, or blood clots. Sadly, he was diagnosed with bladder cancer on his 61^st birthday.

“At that time, I didn’t understand the journey. I had no pain and felt okay.

I was blindly ignorant and uncertain of what was to come,” Grant says.

He met with an oncologist and six cycles of chemotherapy commenced in May. Unfortunately, it had a minute effect on the tumour, so Grant was advised to have a cystectomy, a surgical procedure to remove his bladder as well as a urostomy.

“The urostomy consisted of the surgeon creating a stoma for me to urinate from my stomach. I’ll urinate into bags for the rest of my life,” Grants says bluntly.

This surgery took place in November where his prostate was also removed. Grant picked up an infection which resulted in him being hospitalised twice with the second time over December, leading to sepsis, a serious condition in which the body responds improperly to an infection.   

Stage 4 diagnosis

In January 2025, a post-surgery appointment was scheduled and some of the surgical margins weren’t clear which meant Grant would now need local radiation. It was also found from a CT scan that the cancer had spread to his coccyx bone, which meant he now had Stage 4 bladder cancer. The oncologist advised immunotherapy to treat the spread.

Grant’s medical aid declined immunotherapy and the alternative was to have a second round of chemotherapy, only this time a different type. In the meantime, he underwent radiation.

When Grant was first diagnosed, he had told his oncologist that he had plans to relocate to the UK to be with his wife, Dale, who had moved there, in 2021, due to work. Grant’s plan was to finish treatment in SA then go to the UK but since treatment had been denied, he asked his oncologist if he could go to the UK now. The oncologist told him that a break was okay and maybe he would get immunotherapy in the UK though there is no guarantee.

Regarding the treatment denial, Grants says, “What more must I go through? I just heard I had Stage 4 cancer and then I’m denied treatment. Medical aids are blind to this and the real needs of their clients. I’ve had many co-payments and shortfalls despite having medical aid and GAP cover.”

Jenna, a guiding light

Grant admits that mentally and emotionally he is in turmoil with the uncertainty of what is going to happen next. Physically, he says he is okay but not nearly as strong as he was (he has competed in many endurance sports).

He goes on to say, “Many medical professionals don’t explain the potential journey ahead, only the immediate next treatment and are reluctant to commit themselves more. You sort of feel yourself through this journey and not knowing what is going to happen next. This is where, Jen, my angel, my girl, blew me away. Through her experiences and understanding, she was fantastic and inspirational!”

When asked what his thoughts are on both him and Jenna getting cancer, he says, “That I caused it.” Even though no one causes their cancer, this shows the many emotions that come with it.

Current situation

Grant flew to the UK in April and had an appointment with a GP who then referred him to have an oncologist appointment in May.

He sees his relocation as an adventure to explore, with hope for immunotherapy though he adds, “My life with a urostomy is very different, can I leave it at that?”

If he could go back and do anything differently, he says he would, “Probably research more to understand what other options are available and what was really going on with my body.”

The supportive daughter

Finding out about her father’s diagnosis

I was in complete shock. In 2012, I was on the receiving end of my own diagnosis. I’m exceptionally blessed to be a 13-year survivor. Being part of the Breast Health Foundation (BHF), I see many people go through cancer journeys. But when my dad was diagnosed, it felt completely different. I was used to seeing people diagnosed within my professional world; I counsel women when they are diagnosed with breast cancer. But I wasn’t prepared for my dad to receive a diagnosis. I knew the possibilities that lay ahead for him and hated that he would have to go through such a difficult journey. I felt helpless.

Offering a hand to hold

As a caregiver or supporter, you wish you could do more: take away the nausea, pain, even the cancer completely. Sometimes, it felt like all my years at BHF enabled me to support my dad. For someone with no prior knowledge of the oncology space, being diagnosed is exceptionally overwhelming.

I joined my dad for most of his consultations, asked questions, and tried to remember everything the doctors said. I was able to understand cancer terminology and processes and had a basic understanding of drugs and their side effects. We often used the drive home to unpack what the doctors said and what it meant.

Post-surgery, I helped as much as possible. He was recovering from major surgery and getting used to the new normal of a urostomy all at once. Dale visited during this time, which was a huge help, and we made a good team.

I do feel the healthcare team could have done more to prepare us for managing recovery after sepsis.

He was thin, fragile, easily fatigued, and just not himself. I’m so grateful I was able to help him and make sure he had everything he needed to recover well. Thankfully, day by day, he grew stronger, put on weight, and started becoming himself again.

Anger towards medical aid

My immediate reaction to the medical aid denying immunotherapy was anger. How could they say no? This is the best treatment option for his cancer outcomes. What now?

As a family, we’re holding onto hope that he’ll be able to access immunotherapy in the UK. What about those who don’t have the option of going to the UK?

I’m happy that he is finally with Dale. It’s been very difficult for both of them to live apart while he underwent treatment. I’ll always want to be near to support my dad, but I know that with Dale and my sister in the UK, he will have the best support system.

Honouring her father

My dad has always been a supportive presence in my life. His actions always spoke volumes, especially when it comes to his daughters. His love has always been unconditional. Through his many marathons and the way, he has faced life’s challenges, he’s shown me what true resilience and grit look like. Watching him tackle cancer with that same quiet strength has reminded me just how much I’ve learned from him over the years. This Father’s Day, I honour the example he’s set, the strength he continues to show, and the unwavering support he’s always given. I’m proud to be his daughter.