O-O-Orgasms: What might be stopping you from coming


Anorgasmia, could it be an animated form of orgasm? Unfortunately not.  Anorgasmia is a very real and common sexual dysfunction that can affect both men and women.  However, our focus here is on female anorgasmia.  According to the DSM IV-TR (Diagnostics and Statistical Manual, Version IV-Text Revised), there are two types of Anorgasmia. The first type is Lifelong Anorgasmia, where the person has never been able to achieve orgasm.  The second type is Acquired Anorgasmia, where something has happened on an emotional, psychological or physical level which has caused the person to no longer achieve orgasm.

How would I know if I have Anorgasmia?

Inability to achieve orgasm often occurs in conjunction with other factors – stress and/or other sexual difficulties. To be diagnosed with Anorgasmia, one needs to be fully responsive during sexual activity. This means that one must have the desire to have sex, be fully aroused and have adequate sexual stimulation; but even with all efforts, fails to orgasm. Please note that you do not suffer from Anorgasmia if you have an orgasm one day, skip an orgasm the other and then have an orgasm again – as this could just reflect a stressful lifestyle. Other factors that can negatively affect sexual response (including desire, arousal and orgasm) are: imbalance of hormones; medication usage; depression; substance abuse; poor body image and medical issues, including pain, side effects of the birth control pill and relationship problems.

Are you fully aroused?

As a woman becomes more aroused – which means touched in all the right places – her vaginal canal begins to widen; her labia begin to swell and her vagina begins to lubricate. With Estrogen positive Breast Cancer, vaginal dryness is often a symptom of medically induced menopause. There are a variety of lubricants and vaginal moisturisers which can be used to facilitate vaginal lubrication for sexual activity.

Going Solo!

Every woman’s body is different, which is why it is very important to discover your body – try going solo to find out what is pleasurable to you. Studies have shown that for many women, clitoral stimulation is required in order to achieve orgasm. For some women, clitoral stimulation may be too much, too sensitive, or just right; general vulva stimulation may be great or not enough. If we do not know what kind of stimulation is more pleasurable, there is no way our partners can assist us in achieving orgasm. It is important to remember, that as we age, our bodies and mind respond differently to different pressures, sensations and activities. So do some exploration and find out what excites you now and what sensations please you now. A good sexual health counsellor can assist you in working through any worries which may be preventing you from reaching orgasm.

State of mind

Your state of mind has a huge impact on your ability to enjoy sexual activity, especially on your ability to achieve orgasm. When our minds wander towards the household chores during sexual activity, the chances of you reaching orgasm are minimal! In order for orgasm to be achieved, one needs to be both physically and mentally present in the moment, which can enhance the sensations from a purely physical sensation to something more.

Another aspect which is common in orgasm difficulties is pressure. There is so much pressure put on us to perform sexually, which can interfere with your ability to perform. If you are having difficulty reaching orgasm, take away the sexual goal posts. Enjoy the process of your sexual activity without thinking about the goal. This will allow you to stay present in the moment and enjoy whatever sensations you are experiencing.

Everyone is unique

A diagnosis of cancer creates changes in body and mind, and your sexuality is part of both body and mind. Your sexuality and sexual response changes in response to life situations. Always consult your Medical Practitioner or Sexual Health Counsellor, Therapist or Sexologist before making any self-diagnosis.

Written by Casey Wolfson

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